Forever Forward
Preface: This is my first essay in which you will be introduced to the Nemenhah Records. This is an issue of great controversy within the traditional Christian churches, and yes, in the Mormon church as well.
I cannot tell you what to make of the Nemenhah Records. I cannot compel you to believe in one direction or another concerning them. All I can suggest is reading of the records with humble heart, and then approaching the Holy Spirit with courage that He will testify the truth of all things to you.
There are many Christians who have criticized my full and steadfast testimony of the Book of Mormon, and there have been many who have expressed derogatory utterance towards any book that is not the Bible. To this I simply reply:
There is no worldly argument that can trump the witness the Holy Spirit bore into my heart when I first read the entire Book of Mormon at age 12. And there is no evidence that can trump the burning witness the Holy Spirit engraves in my heart every time I open that book to learn more of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
The validity of the Bible has been a source of ridicule and question amongst agnostic and atheist minds for centuries. The Book of Mormon simply takes its rightful place beside the Bible as many Christians ridicule in the same manner as the unbelievers. To believe in any scripture takes great faith. For without faith, belief in scripture would cease to exist.
So, a warning to my fellow Mormons who are tempted to criticize the Nemenhah records similarly as the Christians persecute the Book of Mormon: Be careful to cast a judgment on something you have not read or experienced for yourself. And watch yourself carefully that your judgments of one thing or another are not a judgement based on the opinions or forethoughts of man. Rather, center your judgements of things with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. For we can often limit our understanding of God due to our own lack of faith, pride in what we already know, and fear of what we don’t know yet.
Have courage. Seek the face of God and the confirmation of the Holy Spirit, and God will reveal to you the truth of ALL things.
I cannot tell you what to make of the Nemenhah Records. I cannot compel you to believe in one direction or another concerning them. All I can suggest is reading of the records with humble heart, and then approaching the Holy Spirit with courage that He will testify the truth of all things to you.
There are many Christians who have criticized my full and steadfast testimony of the Book of Mormon, and there have been many who have expressed derogatory utterance towards any book that is not the Bible. To this I simply reply:
There is no worldly argument that can trump the witness the Holy Spirit bore into my heart when I first read the entire Book of Mormon at age 12. And there is no evidence that can trump the burning witness the Holy Spirit engraves in my heart every time I open that book to learn more of my Savior, Jesus Christ.
The validity of the Bible has been a source of ridicule and question amongst agnostic and atheist minds for centuries. The Book of Mormon simply takes its rightful place beside the Bible as many Christians ridicule in the same manner as the unbelievers. To believe in any scripture takes great faith. For without faith, belief in scripture would cease to exist.
So, a warning to my fellow Mormons who are tempted to criticize the Nemenhah records similarly as the Christians persecute the Book of Mormon: Be careful to cast a judgment on something you have not read or experienced for yourself. And watch yourself carefully that your judgments of one thing or another are not a judgement based on the opinions or forethoughts of man. Rather, center your judgements of things with a broken heart and a contrite spirit. For we can often limit our understanding of God due to our own lack of faith, pride in what we already know, and fear of what we don’t know yet.
Have courage. Seek the face of God and the confirmation of the Holy Spirit, and God will reveal to you the truth of ALL things.
Every year I set a theme for myself. I usually write it down in some obscure place I won’t be able to find later, like a miscellaneous notebook, or a planner I’ll never use again. And this time last year I remember engraving two words on my heart for 2023:
Forever Forward.
I remember thinking to myself I was ready, and boldly approaching the throne of God I requested Him to help me move forever forward this next year. I felt a kind of emergence in my inner being. Little did I know what such a seemingly small request would do in my life. So, I awkwardly and gracelessly moved into position to break chains, conquer fear, heal broken pieces of me I’d been working on for years, and gain greater understanding in any area God felt me ready for. And oh, did I stumble on this new path of “forever forward.”
And now, another year has passed and looking back, I feel I need the words “Forever Forward” even more so than I needed them in 2023. Last month all I could do was recollect all my failure this year that seemed cumbersome and capable of easily swallowing me. And now, I realize that failure is only failure if one ceases to learn from that failure. So, whilst I may have clumsily stumbled this year, I also witnessed beautiful sunsets. I climbed terrifying yet breathtaking mountains, and I spent time in trenches barefoot with dirt smeared on my face. But I climbed out of those trenches, and remembered the light that will always meet me after lengthy intervals of darkness. I spent endless hours at my desk in this “school of life” scratching down as much as I could on paper. And this year, I felt my heart beating rapidly in my chest for beautiful reasons. I also felt my heart breaking in my stomach, lowering me to a place of total reliance on God and His son to hold me in my sorrow. And certainly, despite my silly blunders, I moved closer to God on this journey forever forward.
Alas, I take the broom of my innermost heart and start to sweep all the broken and messy pieces of 2023 and attempt to make sense of it all. And slowly God whispers His truths to me. And shows me
“All these things will give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” -Doctrine & Covenants 122:7
Forever Forward.
I remember thinking to myself I was ready, and boldly approaching the throne of God I requested Him to help me move forever forward this next year. I felt a kind of emergence in my inner being. Little did I know what such a seemingly small request would do in my life. So, I awkwardly and gracelessly moved into position to break chains, conquer fear, heal broken pieces of me I’d been working on for years, and gain greater understanding in any area God felt me ready for. And oh, did I stumble on this new path of “forever forward.”
And now, another year has passed and looking back, I feel I need the words “Forever Forward” even more so than I needed them in 2023. Last month all I could do was recollect all my failure this year that seemed cumbersome and capable of easily swallowing me. And now, I realize that failure is only failure if one ceases to learn from that failure. So, whilst I may have clumsily stumbled this year, I also witnessed beautiful sunsets. I climbed terrifying yet breathtaking mountains, and I spent time in trenches barefoot with dirt smeared on my face. But I climbed out of those trenches, and remembered the light that will always meet me after lengthy intervals of darkness. I spent endless hours at my desk in this “school of life” scratching down as much as I could on paper. And this year, I felt my heart beating rapidly in my chest for beautiful reasons. I also felt my heart breaking in my stomach, lowering me to a place of total reliance on God and His son to hold me in my sorrow. And certainly, despite my silly blunders, I moved closer to God on this journey forever forward.
Alas, I take the broom of my innermost heart and start to sweep all the broken and messy pieces of 2023 and attempt to make sense of it all. And slowly God whispers His truths to me. And shows me
“All these things will give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.” -Doctrine & Covenants 122:7
2024 I resign to a renewed spirit of “Forever Forward.”
Of all the many women in the Bible, there is one whom God warns us to remember. Lot’s wife.
“And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city. And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the Lord being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city. And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.” -Genesis 19:15-17
“Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven; And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground. But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.” -Genesis 19:24-26
In these verses we find two repeated warnings:
And Lot’s wife’s fatal mistake of looking back lead her to perish.
Lot’s wife looked back not as a fleeting reminiscence of the life she was losing. That turn of her head was a symbol of her desire to return to Sodom and Gomorrah. There was an appeal to the wickedness there, just as there is an appeal to the pleasures and comforts of Babylon in our day, wherever those pleasures and comforts may lie.
“Remember Lot’s wife. Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” -Luke 17:32-33
If we are merely seeking to save ourselves in this lifetime, we will lose everything. But if we’re willing to lose everything for the sake of God’s holy purposes, we will find the most crucial and sacred parts of our inner being preserved. This is God’s pattern in scripture that He beautifully illustrates in our lives.
Of all the many women in the Bible, there is one whom God warns us to remember. Lot’s wife.
“And when the morning arose, then the angels hastened Lot, saying, Arise, take thy wife, and thy two daughters, which are here; lest thou be consumed in the iniquity of the city. And while he lingered, the men laid hold upon his hand, and upon the hand of his wife, and upon the hand of his two daughters; the Lord being merciful unto him: and they brought him forth, and set him without the city. And it came to pass, when they had brought them forth abroad, that he said, Escape for thy life; look not behind thee, neither stay thou in all the plain; escape to the mountain, lest thou be consumed.” -Genesis 19:15-17
“Then the Lord rained upon Sodom and upon Gomorrah brimstone and fire from the Lord out of heaven; And he overthrew those cities, and all the plain, and all the inhabitants of the cities, and that which grew upon the ground. But his wife looked back from behind him, and she became a pillar of salt.” -Genesis 19:24-26
In these verses we find two repeated warnings:
- Get out or be consumed by the iniquity.
- Do. NOT. Look. Back.
And Lot’s wife’s fatal mistake of looking back lead her to perish.
Lot’s wife looked back not as a fleeting reminiscence of the life she was losing. That turn of her head was a symbol of her desire to return to Sodom and Gomorrah. There was an appeal to the wickedness there, just as there is an appeal to the pleasures and comforts of Babylon in our day, wherever those pleasures and comforts may lie.
“Remember Lot’s wife. Whosoever shall seek to save his life shall lose it; and whosoever shall lose his life shall preserve it.” -Luke 17:32-33
If we are merely seeking to save ourselves in this lifetime, we will lose everything. But if we’re willing to lose everything for the sake of God’s holy purposes, we will find the most crucial and sacred parts of our inner being preserved. This is God’s pattern in scripture that He beautifully illustrates in our lives.
January of 2023, God took me by the hand and officially lead me out of the Mormon church.
Now, many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints would consider this odd decision as an ending in my covenant path. It’s a closing of a book that is good and true and should not be trifled with. But to me, it was an emerging into something better, and a solidifying of the covenants I have made to God throughout my life to obey God’s will. I was willing to lose whatever I had to lose, and God has remained faithful. He’s preserved me. And He’s gently reminded me not to look back with desire to return to something that could consume me in iniquity.
There is no book to be closed here. My story is not over, and I’m not done yet. But I don’t look back. I don’t desire what I had there. Rather, I pick up the beautiful tapestry of truth God began weaving in me in the Mormon church, and He continues weaving. All the beautiful parts of the tapestry are still there. I have not forsaken them. But I’m not allowing room for wicked influence to infiltrate my tapestry and destroy it either. Thus, I move, forever forward, anchored in this truth:
“And now, my sons, remember, remember, that it is upon the rock of our redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of miser and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.” -Helaman 5:12
Now, many members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints would consider this odd decision as an ending in my covenant path. It’s a closing of a book that is good and true and should not be trifled with. But to me, it was an emerging into something better, and a solidifying of the covenants I have made to God throughout my life to obey God’s will. I was willing to lose whatever I had to lose, and God has remained faithful. He’s preserved me. And He’s gently reminded me not to look back with desire to return to something that could consume me in iniquity.
There is no book to be closed here. My story is not over, and I’m not done yet. But I don’t look back. I don’t desire what I had there. Rather, I pick up the beautiful tapestry of truth God began weaving in me in the Mormon church, and He continues weaving. All the beautiful parts of the tapestry are still there. I have not forsaken them. But I’m not allowing room for wicked influence to infiltrate my tapestry and destroy it either. Thus, I move, forever forward, anchored in this truth:
“And now, my sons, remember, remember, that it is upon the rock of our redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea, his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of miser and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they cannot fall.” -Helaman 5:12
I believe Adam and Eve could teach us a few things about this process of growth and emerging out of our own static conditions. For we are never truly static, we are either progressing or digressing. I found myself in an urgent state of mind while standing in the same place doing the same things, and experiencing things that left me feeling empty repeatedly. And there was this strange feeling inside me that felt like digression when I was simply remaining religiously passive. And I wondered. I believe Eve felt very similar when she partook of the fruit of the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
“In the first instance, Heavenly Mother looked into the deep and wondered. Then Eve looked out onto the wide world from her place of habitation and wondered. Each of us must also look out from our place of beginning, even our garden or our valley, and wonder, or there shall be no progression in us.” -The Book of Maymihts Ahkehkt 5:72, (Nemenhah Records, Pg. 470)
“It is not until we stand at the boundaries of our understanding and look out at a wider universe that we, as Eve and Adam, step out of our valley and our garden, into the lone world. Only then can we do that which is necessary to emerge back in the presence of our Creator.” – The Book of Maymihts Ahkehkt 5:73 (Nemenhah Records, Pg. 470)
This does not mean we leave the good of what we knew before and backslide into something worse. This means we wonder what could possibly be better. Then we aim for better. We position ourselves in a place to grow, not shrink. This may take failures. This may take clumsy steps and twists in the road, but set our sights on our Savior, and He’ll get us to where we need to go. Just keep your eye on Him. Don’t look back.
“In the first instance, Heavenly Mother looked into the deep and wondered. Then Eve looked out onto the wide world from her place of habitation and wondered. Each of us must also look out from our place of beginning, even our garden or our valley, and wonder, or there shall be no progression in us.” -The Book of Maymihts Ahkehkt 5:72, (Nemenhah Records, Pg. 470)
“It is not until we stand at the boundaries of our understanding and look out at a wider universe that we, as Eve and Adam, step out of our valley and our garden, into the lone world. Only then can we do that which is necessary to emerge back in the presence of our Creator.” – The Book of Maymihts Ahkehkt 5:73 (Nemenhah Records, Pg. 470)
This does not mean we leave the good of what we knew before and backslide into something worse. This means we wonder what could possibly be better. Then we aim for better. We position ourselves in a place to grow, not shrink. This may take failures. This may take clumsy steps and twists in the road, but set our sights on our Savior, and He’ll get us to where we need to go. Just keep your eye on Him. Don’t look back.
This year I pray we may be able to have the courage to wonder at our lives and seek for something better than merely doing what we’ve always done. We don’t grow in static. We don’t progress in ease and comfort. We don’t rise in complacency or apathy.
Rather, each one of us must look at ourselves, and reach for emergence into something better, wherever that may lead us. Each person’s path my be illustrated differently. It may have its own idiosyncrasies and clumsy steps. Our heartaches and loses may vary. Our reserves may threaten to give out at different times. What matters is we keep our sights on Him and evaluate the vehicle in which we need to get to that someplace better.
God is with us. We do not travel alone, and in the moments we feel alone, it isn’t for long.
I’m committing to another year of forever forward. May individual hearts and lives be transformed into something new and beautiful as we always aim for no less than Him.
God bless you as you’re forged in His fire, forever forward.
-Claire
Rather, each one of us must look at ourselves, and reach for emergence into something better, wherever that may lead us. Each person’s path my be illustrated differently. It may have its own idiosyncrasies and clumsy steps. Our heartaches and loses may vary. Our reserves may threaten to give out at different times. What matters is we keep our sights on Him and evaluate the vehicle in which we need to get to that someplace better.
God is with us. We do not travel alone, and in the moments we feel alone, it isn’t for long.
I’m committing to another year of forever forward. May individual hearts and lives be transformed into something new and beautiful as we always aim for no less than Him.
God bless you as you’re forged in His fire, forever forward.
-Claire
